Six Notions – Deploy the whisker

An incredible week: the discovery of Richard III, the discovery that Splash! will return for a second series, the discovery that open, running rugby is alive in the Six Nations.  All of which feature usurpers or the legitimate seizing of something depending on your point of view.  Arguments range as to whether Richard III was usurper or usurped himself, but we do know he was clobbered by big lads at Bosworth.  Something I can sympathise with having gone to school there.  In fact it’s quite likely that I’ve also had a lie down in a Leicester car park at some point in my youth.  Then there’s Splash! usurping the claims of both Hole in the Wall and Don’t Scare the Hare as the worst TV game show in history.  Who would have thought that was possible?  And finally rugby back play, seizing the ball from the coaches of the up-yer-jumper forward play favoured by northern hemisphere teams for so long that some feared it had been written into the laws of the game.  Remarkable. 

What of this weekend?  Tournament sponsors RBS have just been fined £390 million for their part in rigging Libor rates, so better crack on with this before they sell the tournament off to al-Qaeda, or some other feckless folly.  Nothing would surprise me about the UK banking system anymore.

Scotland v Italy, Saturday 2.30pm

First up is what was becoming the perennial battle for the avoidance of the wooden spoon.  Perhaps not this year (if we assume the RBS branded shirts haven't been sold off the Scottish team’s back) if both teams can keep up their momentum with that Italy defeat of France and Scotland managing to score some tries.  And this will be the debut of Scotland’s new monstrous change strip in the Six Nations.  Practicality trumps aesthetics, with a bib for assisting with eating and a cross as a target to assist with the often unfamiliar Scottish skills of accurate passing.  As is traditional with Scottish change kits, it will be strikingly similar to the opposition kit when viewed from anywhere but close up.   
Verdict: Italy by 3. 

France v Wales, Saturday 6pm local time, 5pm proper time

Wales, meet your new neighbours Tonga.  Tonga are now your neighbours after your eighth defeat in a row.  They’re at number 11 in the IRB Rankings whilst you’re now at number 10.  They were going to bring a cake round for you, but they thought you might drop it. On Saturday you play the last team you beat, back in March 2012.  Unfortunately for you after last week, if France lose this one the Paris crowd will be helping to get their team acquainted with that old French friend of the people, Monsieur Guillotine.  They won't mess up twice in a row.    
Verdict: France by 10.

Ireland v England, Sunday 3pm

Difficult to call in Dublin beyond John Inverdale’s frequent mentioning of enjoying ‘the craic’ and countless references to the ‘black stuff’.  Already in week two, it looks like it might not be too bold to suggest that this match may be a championship decider.  It could well be a tale of two centres: Will BOD continue on his way to challenging his rhyming rival in Irish affections?  Which might be awkward in a country that could probably do without any further sectarian disagreements.  And will England stick with Billy Twelvetrees, against the countrymen that created what is possibly the best nickname in any sport, ‘36’,  kicking on from his impressive debut?  If you’ve come here for definitive answers, you’re probably in the wrong place.  I’m sitting on this very comfortable, wide fence looking at a washing line, admiring women’s girdles blowing in the breeze.  Not like a pervert.  What I’m saying is that it should be tight.   
Verdict: Oh, all right then.  Ireland’s home advantage means the deployment of a whisker is required in their favour.

Meanwhile eastwards, if the Six Nations confrontations aren't exciting enough for you, representatives from Belgium and Georgia release a little of their inner punchiness, somewhat removing the gloss off the recent awarding of the Nobel Peace Price to the EU.