Wednesday, 21 March 2012

Osborne unveils tax break for clowns

Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne today announced a new policy of tax breaks for companies employing clowns at boardroom level.  As part of other budget initiatives, this eye catching policy has taken many city analysts by surprise. 

An advisor to Mr Osborne justified the new policy by saying, “for a number of reasons, many companies already employ clowns in the boardroom, but we’re not really happy with the percentage of clowns making decisions across all business sectors.”  He continued, “we’ve seen huge success in the financial sector, where clowns have sometimes made up to 90% of the board.  We’re really keen to see more clowns making key decisions.”  As part of the new policy large companies will be able to pay as little as ‘as much tax as they want to pay’ once they have reached specific clown thresholds.

When Mr Osborne was quizzed about the new policy, particularly in relation to the financial sector and the 2008 crash he stated, “really?  A crash happened you say?  Well, we’ll look into that.  If that happened then we’ll certainly do something.  Lay the blame at Labour’s door probably.”  He concluded, “regardless as to what has happened in the past, which was all under the previous government anyway, we are committed to getting clowns into the top positions in this country.  We’ve done it within the cabinet and by the time we’re finished, we’re going to make sure clowns have a massive influence over every major decision in this country.”