Thursday, 8 December 2011

Movies to be remade before release


Bolstered by the interest in the news that American Psycho is to be remade, industry insiders are now suggesting that the future of movie making is to remake movies that have yet to be released.  “Our research has shown that cinema goers are so keen on remakes that going forward, 90% of our studio output is to be based on remakes,” said Ivan Hairpiece of Ideaparasite Pictures.  “Although the original American Psycho was released in 2000, we believe that this is far too old for today’s tech savvy but attention negligent consumers who want the 2.0 version of our product, now, now, now.  Besides, there is now a consensus within the industry that at some point in 2013 the last remaining original movie idea will be used up,” Hairpiece added whilst spanking his Mexican maid with a light leather strap. 

Tony Crapmop, producer of Torture Porn 3 and Jennifer Aniston VIII confirmed that many are now seeing ideas as dated.  “Ideas were seen as really fashionable in the 1970s but we’re now finding that if we make a two minute trailer mainly consisting of tits and explosions or a joke about masturbation, audiences will come and watch anything,” he snorted.

Many in Hollywood believe the majority of cinema audiences are unable to remember what they had for lunch without forgetting how to breathe.  Finally providing the studios the opportunity they’ve craved since the beginning of the movie industry, of giving cinemagoers the same crap over and over again.