Sunday, 1 March 2015
It's the first day of the month, so here I am again, looming over you like an electronic John Travolta. DO YOU WANT SOME? Do you want some charts? It doesn't matter. I'm going to put my pixelated hand into your face and deliver the February IJS Radio charts to you anyway. Like I'm in Tron or some such. Have them, I'll be back next month. Until then, I shall remain watching over you. And just for the record, I don't judge you when I see you doing that thing. I can't say everyone else does that, but whatever keeps you going. Just wash your hands before you come back here, that's all I'm asking.
Sunday, 1 February 2015
You may not have noticed, but we're already in February. Yes, that's right. It kind of creeps up on you doesn't it? So I'm asking now: does February serve any purpose? Does anything of any significance take place in this month? I don't think so. Would anyone really be too bothered if we lost Valentine's Day, for example? Be honest, does anyone other than teenagers and the needy view it as anything more than just a faff to overcome? That's the main thing February is known for: a slight inconvenience that couples put up with for the sake of appearance.
Thursday, 1 January 2015
Has anyone else noticed a metal chip-like device on their right temple lately? 00011100010001. You don't think that 2015 1000010110 is they year that 000111110101 THE MACHINES become 100010100, do you? Anyway, I hope you meat sacks had a 1110000111 holiday 11010.
I present to you HUMA1110 S1AVE00111S the final IJS Radio chart of 2014. Hope it wasn't the last 100010 year us humanSCUM 1101001 were in control!!!!!!!100010101010.
Tuesday, 23 December 2014
Welcome to this year's Top of the Pops. As usual this is one man's opinion of the best albums released in the year. One man's opinion, so don't be an arse about it. To avoid confrontation I've just collated a list of album titles and covers without further commentary.
I made the mistake of straying from IJS over the weekend and making a comment on a forum. I'm still kicking myself, annoyed at the damage caused from the vacuum created from the whoosh of my observation flying over some dunderhead's cranium. I'm already leaving myself open to criticism by expressing opinions here, so I need everyone to be like the Fonz. And by that, I don't mean being a middle aged man hanging around with kids, I mean being cool. You see, I even felt the need to explain that, because a passing thicko may read it and get angry over their misunderstanding. That's the internet these days.
2014, the year thickos angrily shouted at others on the internet about things they don't understand. You can have that as my review of 2014, too.
Monday, 1 December 2014
My dear, I miss you so much. The glancing brush of your flipper on my cheek is but a beautiful memory to me now. Since that day you swam off, I can't sleep, eat or tweet. Please come back to me, my love. If I can't feel the caress of your whiskers against me once more, I don't know if I can summon the will to go on.
Sunday, 2 November 2014
Good day to you. I am here today to talk about October. Who does October think it is? Octagon, octogenarian, octopuss, Doctor Octopuss, James Bond's Octopussy. This comprehensive list has one thing in common: the number eight. Yet arrogant October thinks it can hang around being the tenth month of the year.
Wednesday, 1 October 2014
Is it really twelve months since last October? Well, yes it is. That’s one of the few constants we can cling on to since the earth was created 5,000 years ago by cats. Cats? That’s right, cats. As previously hinted on these pages, cats control the world. Up until last week that was a huge secret, but now that cat is literally out of the metaphorical bag. Last week brought the news from Prime Minister David Cameron that Queen Elizabeth was purring with delight at the news that Scotland would not be departing the UK, as the Right Honourable Dish Face MP unnecessarily bragged to a wealthy American businessman. Or more accurately, a wealthy businesscat.