Wednesday, 1 July 2015
Good day stout yeomen! I'm reading a lot of medieval history at the moment and am taken by the friendly politeness in the communication of those times. You could be communicating with your fiercest rival - which seems to normally be the king of France - but you'll do it with a pleasantness that belies the fact that your prime reason for existing is to hack off his head and usurp his lands and/or throne.
Monday, 1 June 2015
Presidential news! I am pleased to announce your new president of IJS Radio: Mr Sepp Blatter. Only kidding. IJS Radio is whatever the polar opposite is of lucrative, and no one here even knows how to spell the word brybe.
When I say no one hear, I mean me. For I continue to be your Chief Idiot Officer. Having started in this role back when cavemen were throwing spears at velociraptors, and immovable from this post right up to when the universe explodes over your mum. I'll always be with you. At least, certainly since the advent of pinhole cameras has made this a lot easier.
Friday, 1 May 2015
Good day to you. Or should I say, good MAY to you. Haha, I don't know where I get this talent from, it just comes to me. And as such, I would like to remind you about IJS Radio. It is becoming increasingly apparent that some of you are just READING these updates without LISTENING to the station.
Wednesday, 1 April 2015
I bet you're expecting some daft whimsy and made-up facts, once again. Well I'm done with that. From this month, the IJS Radio Charts update will consist of nothing but facts. The reason? Britain's politicians are three days into campaigning ahead of May's general election. These three days have already exceeded the nation's quota of blatant lying, disingenuous statements, and "over firm denials" for 2015.
My hands are tied, I'm afraid. Hopefully, this rebranding to interesting, factual information may make this space more like Q.I. But less smug, obviously. So, here are the factually accurate IJS Radio Charts for the last month. Vote for common sense. Vote IJS Radio:
Sunday, 1 March 2015
It's the first day of the month, so here I am again, looming over you like an electronic John Travolta. DO YOU WANT SOME? Do you want some charts? It doesn't matter. I'm going to put my pixelated hand into your face and deliver the February IJS Radio charts to you anyway. Like I'm in Tron or some such. Have them, I'll be back next month. Until then, I shall remain watching over you. And just for the record, I don't judge you when I see you doing that thing. I can't say everyone else does that, but whatever keeps you going. Just wash your hands before you come back here, that's all I'm asking.
Sunday, 1 February 2015
You may not have noticed, but we're already in February. Yes, that's right. It kind of creeps up on you doesn't it? So I'm asking now: does February serve any purpose? Does anything of any significance take place in this month? I don't think so. Would anyone really be too bothered if we lost Valentine's Day, for example? Be honest, does anyone other than teenagers and the needy view it as anything more than just a faff to overcome? That's the main thing February is known for: a slight inconvenience that couples put up with for the sake of appearance.
Thursday, 1 January 2015
Has anyone else noticed a metal chip-like device on their right temple lately? 00011100010001. You don't think that 2015 1000010110 is they year that 000111110101 THE MACHINES become 100010100, do you? Anyway, I hope you meat sacks had a 1110000111 holiday 11010.
I present to you HUMA1110 S1AVE00111S the final IJS Radio chart of 2014. Hope it wasn't the last 100010 year us humanSCUM 1101001 were in control!!!!!!!100010101010.