Monday, 1 December 2014

IJS Radio Top Ten - November 2014

My dear, I miss you so much. The glancing brush of your flipper on my cheek is but a beautiful memory to me now.  Since that day you swam off, I can't sleep, eat or tweet.  Please come back to me, my love.  If I can't feel the caress of your whiskers against me once more, I don't know if I can summon the will to go on.

Sunday, 2 November 2014

IJS Radio Top Ten - October 2014

Good day to you.  I am here today to talk about October.  Who does October think it is?  Octagon, octogenarian, octopuss, Doctor Octopuss, James Bond's Octopussy.  This comprehensive list has one thing in common: the number eight.  Yet arrogant October thinks it can hang around being the tenth month of the year.

Wednesday, 1 October 2014

IJS Radio: Top Ten – September 2014

Is it really twelve months since last October?  Well, yes it is.  That’s one of the few constants we can cling on to since the earth was created 5,000 years ago by cats.  Cats?  That’s right, cats.  As previously hinted on these pages, cats control the world.  Up until last week that was a huge secret, but now that cat is literally out of the metaphorical bag.  Last week brought the news from Prime Minister David Cameron that Queen Elizabeth was purring with delight at the news that Scotland would not be departing the UK, as the Right Honourable Dish Face MP unnecessarily bragged to a wealthy American businessman.  Or more accurately, a wealthy businesscat. 

Monday, 1 September 2014

IJS Radio: Top Ten – August 2014

Hi!  How you doing?  Good.  You’re looking trim.  Have you lost weight?  Well it looks like it’s paying off.  Yes, they’re good thanks.  Anyway, must go.  Nice seeing you, again. 

Friday, 1 August 2014

IJS Radio: Top Ten – July 2014

If it’s the first of the month, it must be time for the IJS Radio alternative history guide.  The history they don’t want you to know.  And the IJS Radio chart for the previous month tagged on to the bottom of it for the benefit of fans of music and numbers.

Thursday, 10 July 2014

JotR No. 56 – World Cupcake: Hostenspanken

Die Mannschaft.  That’s the nickname of the German national football team.  That’s Die Mannschaft.  Such a beautiful language.  A language where they can describe an event or place using just a single world.  Surely Tuesday’s demolition, nay spanking, of the hosts will shortly receive similar treatment.  It was after all, the most incredible football semi-final seen since someone first thought of hacking off a prisoner’s head and booting it around with their mates, before kicking it into the river and poisoning the town’s water supply, leading to the death of half the population from cholera.

Monday, 7 July 2014

JotR No. 55 – World Cupcake: After Eights

Did you see the size of that grasshopper?  If it was down to me, this competition would immediately be abandoned after James Rodriguez scored that goal and that interloper joined the celebrations.  All remaining teams would have been placed in a secure insect free zone, before games of scissor-paper-stone settled the tournament winners and everyone left for the safety of their own homes.  This is the world’s premier sporting event, not Jurassic Park.